It takes a lot to get me to write someone almost completely off as in I’ll be cordial if I encounter them but that’s about it.

A close relative is in that category.

Years ago, when I introduced my oldest granddaughter as my granddaughter, he immediately replied that she wasn’t my granddaughter become she wasn’t a blood relative.

A short exchange followed, and I left it at that.

Two months later, he doubled down in an email telling me she wasn’t my granddaughter.

That was 20 plus years ago.

I’m not angry at him anymore. I have just chosen not to deal with him, period.

There’s more to it than that, but contending my granddaughter wasn’t my granddaughter and therefore in his words “wasn’t family” was crossing the Rubicon.

The exchange over “the” definition of family came to mind earlier this month when a Manteca resident questioned why the city was tinkering with its policy on allowing community organizations that met certain criteria to request that a flag representing their group be flown for five days a year next to the United States and State of California flags in front of city hall.

The woman was retired military.

She has been living in Manteca for a number of years and found Manteca to be accepting and welcoming as opposed to what she encountered in her native Tennessee.

She also happens to be gay.

Her concern was legitimate.

It looked as though the only reason the council was considering changing its flag policy to basically three flags — the United States, State of California, and a city flag, if and when Manteca adopts one — was to avoid flying the Pride flag.

Basically, the Pride flag is the only flag that has been requested to fly at city hall in multiple years under the current policy. The only other request was the Christian flag that was flown once.

She also was suspect of the timing given the proposal to change the flag policy came up during Pride month.

Her final words to the council are worth repeating: “This is the Family City and I hope it includes my family too.”

Six years ago, then Mayor Ben Cantu floated an idea to promote both more public art and the city’s motto by installing a bronze statue in the landscaped median near the Highway 99/Yosemite Avenue interchange.

The statute was of a family walking briskly: Father, mother, daughter, and son.

It immediately conjured up comparisons to yellow signs similar to the ones depicting curves ahead that Caltrans had erected along Interstate 5 near San Ysidro near the Mexican border.

The signs had black silhouette images of a man, woman and girl with pigtails running.

They were placed in response to more the 100 pedestrians who were illegal immigrants who were killed between 1987 and 1990 crossing the freeway in a bid to reduce future deaths.

Pushback also came from those that viewed the proposed bronze statute as representing only Caucasian families, nuclear families, or “straight” families.

Going back further in the early years of this century, several incensed homeowners appeared before the council complaining one of the homes on their street near Joshua Cowell School where the behemoth 4,800-square-foot boxy McMansions were built, had several unrelated families living in it.

They were irked because they were supposed to be single family homes and they wanted the city to do something about it.

Everything was quite legal. And it happened both families were on the mortgage, which is not all that uncommon.

Clearly, when you say “family” it’s not a monolith concept.

There are nuclear families, extended families, families headed by same gender couples, and families by association.

Definitions by folks at Merriam Webster and elsewhere note families range from basic units of parents raising children, a group of individuals living in one household, a group of people united by certain convictions of a common affiliation as in fellowship, and a group of people with common ancestry.

The last definition should carry a bit of weight with those that either believe in evolution or creation given in each case the human race can be traced back to one “event” whether it was in a short or long time frame.

So the real question is, just what does Manteca’s “The Family City” motto mean? Are their asterisks below it that lists exceptions?

And what does the question even have to do with a flag policy?

Actually, the real challenge is how can Manteca turn the dust up over the flag policy into a plus.

It would be hard to disagree with Councilwoman Regina Lackey’s original proposal which was just the three flags and no exceptions.

But with the policy extended to all city property including that leased or rented to other organizations such as the VFW Post, Big League Dreams, the Boys & Girls Club, the golf course, and even the city pool how can exceptions be allowed?

And if exceptions are extended, then if a Pride group rents out the BLD complex or some other municipal facility, city leaders had better allow then if they want to fly a flag tied to their specific organization during the time the facility is rented.

There is another option.

And it’s one that would emphasize the family that “The Family City” motto refers to as being the 95,000 members and growing of the Manteca family.

Instead of waiting for organizations that meet the criteria to fly a flag at city hall come to them, why not try to reach out to all groups that qualify in Manteca.

And as part of the five day “flag flying” period, offer the use of Library Park or some other civic location such as the plaza at the transit center on a Saturday for a mini-festival and/or ceremonies to allow them to showcase and share their group, organization, and such with the community.

That is 52 opportunities to celebrate all families whether they are families of culture, service, faith, or of a social nature.

It would be a perfect way to celebrate the city’s motto and to strengthen community ties.

The bottom line is simple. Either we are family in Manteca or we’re not.

This column is the opinion of editor, Dennis Wyatt, and does not necessarily represent the opinions of The Bulletin or 209 Multimedia. He can be reached at dwyatt@mantecabulletin.com