I’ve been called many things over the years. More than a few of the words used wouldn’t be fit for what a once polite world would have deemed unfit for general consumption.
I abhor nicknames given most that others sought to hang on me made fun of me in one way or another. My preference has always been to be called Dennis. Nothing more and nothing less.
It explains partially why I was less than thrilled nearly 24 years ago when I first became “Papa.”
The other part of the reason was what I thought was brutally clear to me – I am not and could not ever be anyone’s “Papa.” It was a position grounded in DNA.
I bring this up because today is Katelyn’s big day. She will graduate Manteca High as part of the Class of 2017. But it also has as much to do with Ashley and Rein.
They are my grandkids.
It is a severe understatement to say all three dealt with significant challenges growing up that kids shouldn’t have to face. Enough said.
High school graduation is a day to take stock in a young person’s progress as they cross the threshold onto the next stage. Katelyn may not be valedictorian but she was able to grow from a situation not of her doing to rack up “A”s and “B”s as well as make the honor roll.
She has every reason to be proud of herself. The same goes for Ashley and Rein.
I’m not saying they are perfect or without fault. Who among us is? But the resiliency they have demonstrated makes it clear to me they should not fear the future.
That’s easy for me to say because I’m not 18, not about to turn 21 or age 24. They’re ages when you tend to have a lot of self-confidence slamming up against frequent storms of self-doubt. The world can be a scary place when you let your mind wander down dark paths. A year seems like a century and it is still difficult to see more than a foot or so in front of you even when you are striving mightily toward a goal.
If I could be guaranteed to implant just one notion in their heads to keep in mind as they journey through life it would be this — you fail only when you give up on yourself.
They have a lot of mistakes ahead of them. Some challenges will be financial, some will be personal. And some after time — whether a day or a year or two — wears down the sting will seem downright trite in retrospect given the scheme of things. But no matter how dark the clouds and stormy the weather the sunshine returns.
I wish I could have altered the forces that they battled to get this point in their lives, but I can’t.
I do know that by any yardstick you want to use they have turned out remarkably well. And if they give themselves the luxury of time and not let frustration consume them they will surprise themselves in obtaining things they never dreamed possible.
It helps a lot when you have people in your corner like Nana. Cynthia, their grandmother, deserves more credit than she’ll ever give herself for providing the guard rails to keep them going in the right direction as well as the push and even the food to fuel their travels to adulthood.
I firmly believe adversity is an absolute critical ingredient needed to give a person the drive they need to survive and thrive. How you respond to less than stellar conditions or treatment growing up can set the stage for success.
Success, isn’t measured by material things. It sounds trite, but it is true. You need money to live but it doesn’t buy happiness. That comes with what you secure through blood, sweat and tears.
Are there things I wish they’d learn, step up their game on or cut themselves some slack? Absolutely.
Over the years despite challenges that some would use as a crutch they have made steady progress in the never ending journey we all take through life to become better people.
I used to fear the well was poisoned. But thanks to the front row seat I’ve been fortunate enough to be afforded I can honestly say those fears have largely been unfounded. I still have concerns. What grandparent doesn’t? 
It can be frustrating when you sincerely try to advise someone of the pitfalls of certain courses of action because you’ve been there before and suffered the consequences. But when they ultimately realize the folly or danger on their own, it is a satisfaction you can’t describe. It’s not because you were right but because they reached the conclusion on their own. You can tell a kid until your voice goes hoarse they will burn their hand on a hot burner but nothing is as valuable as a lesson learned from trial and error.
And that is what this rambling is really about. Katelyn, Rein and Ashley — and every other young person on the planet — have to find their own way. They will stumble. They will bleed. But the lessons and successes they meet will make them stronger, more resilient, and happier. You can’t truly gain any of that by obediently nodding your head and not pushing the envelope.
And for the record. I’m proud that Katelyn, Rein, and Ashley call me Papa.
I just hope that they’ve gained as much from the relationship as I have.