Memo to Congressional member Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Now that you’ve introduced a bill to rename the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America, perhaps you’d like to entertain — an appropriate verb if there ever was one — an amendment to change the name of the Sea of Cortez.

You know the sea. 

Americans, actually those Americans in the United States as opposed to the 700 million living in the remaining part of two of the world’s seven continents with America in their name, often call it the Gulf of California.

You know California, right?

It’s the place that the congresswoman was misquoted as saying Jewish space lasers caused the 2018 wildfire that burned almost all of Paradise to the ground.

In the Facebook post that was deleted soon thereafter, she never mentioned the word Jewish. But she did say she believed space lasers were the cause, and the sinister forces behind them were none other than evil reincarnated as PG&E and then Gov. Jerry Brown. 

The Jewish bit was added by someone apparently smitten that Greene also listed Rothschild Inc. — a frequent target of anti-Semitic conspiracy theories at the time — as a possible player in the space laser theory.

Space lasers have to yet been ruled out as a cause of the Los Angeles County wildfires still raging after nine days.

That’s why Gov. Gavin Newsom and Southern California Edison might want to work on their alibis as for where they were in the early morning hours of Jan. 7, 2025 in case Greene calls for a congressional inquiry on space lasers and wildfires.

I digress, which is what everyone seems to be doing these days back in DC.

Why should Mexico, which has sovereign control over the Vermillion Sea — that some call the Sea of Cortez due to the reddish color plankton gives part of it at times — change the name of the gulf?

There’s no reason, of course, given it’s their sea,

That said, they could go on a woke binge and change the Sea of Cortez to something else because its namesake was Spanish Conquistador Hernan Cortes, who was unleashed on indigenous Americans by colonizing Europeans.

He followed in the footsteps of one of Spain’s hired guns, an Italian called Christopher Columbus.

And we all know why anything named after Columbus has to be rechristened to remove all traces of history.

Given Americans— that is, those in the United States — have been calling the Gulf of Mexico just that even before 13 colonies became states, wouldn’t renaming it the Gulf of America be a woke move worthy of Greene’s social media arch-enemies on the politically correct far left?

And why not rewrite history to wipe out all traces of Rhode Island ever being a colony?

If perfectly sane people can often build structures with more than 12 floors and skip 13 in the numbering process due to superstitions to be on the safe side, the United States should only have 12 original colonies.

Is this making any sense?

About as much as introducing a bill complete with 14 co-sponsors that directs the Chair of the Board on Geographic Names under the Secretary of the Interior to remove “Gulf of Mexico” from all federal documents and maps within 180 days of the bill being signed into law.

Perhaps, Greene might want to check with Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy to explain how that wouldn’t cut bureaucratic waste and would add to the cost of government.

Greene, in the bill’s introduction, notes “Mexican cartels currently use the Gulf of Mexico to traffic humans, drugs, weapons, and God knows what else while the Mexican government allows them to do it.”

If such unchecked criminal activity under the nose of a government justifies the renaming of geographic locations, does Greene have suggested “Americanized” replacement names for United States cities with high crime rates such as Los Angeles?

And what about New Mexico, which is not to be confused with Mexico?

However, it might be a safe bet that some of those who jump with joy at the mere thought of renaming the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America might not know New Mexico was the 47th state admitted to the United States of America.

Do not be confused, by the way, as the official name of Mexico translates as the United Mexican States.

Just to keep everything helter skelter, which seems to be the order of the age we are in, it might also confuse the other 700 million Americans between Cape Horn and Kaffeklubben Island, Greenland.

Seriously, if you follow the science, Greenland is geologically part of the North America Plate. Hence, that is why it could be considered North America’s northern most point.

Perhaps that accounts for the rumble about Greenland.

Discard Greenland and the northernmost point in the continent is Cape Columbia, Ellesmere Island, Nunavut, Canada.

Canada? 

Apparently it beat out Puerto Rico in the Caribbean Sea, or is that the American Sea, to become the 51st state.

Hold on, weren’t we talking about space lasers or was that New Mexico?

That’s right, New Mexico.

Assuming the distinguished congressional member from Georgia has seen “Breaking Bad”, she must know the Mexico government is allowing the Mexican drug cartels to do whatever they want in New Mexico so maybe Congress could rename the state New America.

That way, just like she says in her intro to the bill aimed at changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico, the world knows the United States military secures New America (New Mexico) just like the Gulf of America.

And since we are rethinking everything Mexico, perhaps Greene would like to encourage Mexico to make an offer to buy California, Nevada, Utah, most of Arizona as well as parts of New Mexico, Wyoming, and Colorado.

That way, the United States would have the cash to buy Greenland from Denmark and fund a war to get back the Panama Canal.

Why the aforementioned states and partial states?

It’s the area once controlled by Mexico that was ceded to the United States in 1848 as part of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo after the Mexican-American War.

Perhaps instead of going after the Panama Canal, Greene might suggest the United States instead rekindle the war where it left off so we can get the rest of California.

That’s Baja California, which is strategically important in the cruise ship world.

Plus they do have some rare earth features, such as golf courses.

Of course, all of this is plain nonsense.

Who knows, in another dimension maybe it all this makes sense.

That would be the dimension in which an immigrant from Austria serving as the governor of a state whose name he can’t pronounce that was carved from Mexico is bidding farewell in Sacramento to a Georgia representative who appropriately led a congressional fact finding mission to the land of fruit and nuts to search out the origins of space lasers and big foot.

Anyone ready to say hasta la vista to all the nonsensical noise?

This column is the opinion of editor, Dennis Wyatt, and does not necessarily represent the opinions of The Bulletin or 209 Multimedia. He can be reached at dwyatt@mantecabulletin.com