We’ve all seen those movies where a young, loving couple gets married and they are excited about their new life together but are unsure how to handle their mothers who just don’t get along.  

Conflict between two warring mother-in-laws (sometimes known as monster-in-laws) always make for a good movie but not so much in real life.  In reality, the best scenario is always for in-laws to get along for the sake of their married children and for the rest of the family.

Fortunately that has been the case for mother-in-laws Elaine High and Annie Groenveld. Since 1986 when Elaine’s daughter, Lynn and Annie’s son, Reijer were married, the two women have made it their top priority to genuinely get along and enjoy their relationship as in-laws.  In addition, for the past four years, the two ladies have also enjoyed being next door neighbors and count it a blessing that their two families have been joined together all these years.

Because the two women, now in their 80s were raised in a time where putting difference aside was the norm and respecting one another was of high value, becoming a “monster-in-law” as depicted in the movies at any time over the three decades was never once a consideration.

“Family is so important. If I ever had a problem, I would never allow it to go anywhere because family comes first,” Elaine said.

It was a little over four years ago while having dinner with her son and daughter-in-law that Annie made mention that the home next door to her was available to rent and wondered who her new neighbor would be.  Lynn quickly responded with the idea of moving her mom from Southern California to Manteca in order to be closer and thought she would make an ideal neighbor for her mother-in-law, Annie.  As it turns out, Lynn was right.

Lynn spoke with the landlord, made the arrangements and soon the two mother-in-laws were next door neighbors.

“It’s nice to know someone is there [next door} who cares,” Annie noted.

The two women are mindful to give each other space and privacy to live their individual lives but find comfort in knowing that their long-time family member is only a few steps away.  This fact not only brings comfort to each mother-in-law but also brings joy to their children and grandchildren.

“It’s probably a pretty unique situation to live next door to each other but my grandkids are Annie’s grand-kids so it’s nice,” Elaine said. “Our children get along so well and so do our grandchildren. We have three generations here and we are all very, very close.”

Having a family first mentality has allowed the High and Groenveld families to unite and show others around them what it means to be a family who accepts each other’s natural differences and continually commits to getting along.

“I think people are not tolerant of one another nowadays,” Elaine said. “They get jealous and petty easily which causes many problems. I just kind of wish the world was more  mellow.”

While a mellow world may not be the case in this day and age, for these two mother-in-laws, maintaining a mellow, respectful relationship with one another for many years has caused the entire family to thrive.

“Even though we are different people and have different thoughts, we believe family is most important and so we get along and help each other when needed,” Annie shared.

When Elaine is not feeling well, next door neighbor Annie is quick to check on her and when Annie, who no longer drives needs a ride, Elaine is there to help.  Only when people take the time to get along do you find that kind of support.

The consideration, kindness, and commitment these two women demonstrate when it comes to family relations are a good lesson for everyone, particularly for potential “monster-in-laws.”  For 30 years Elaine and Annie have helped their combined families grow and blossom by loving them and respecting and loving each other.